Covid Test - Faith Test

On October 10, I tested positive for Covid-19. Thank God, it was not the most serious form. I was only bedridden for a week. The following week, I was recovering, and the third week, I went to take the test again to confirm my recovery and continue some upcoming projects: my exam to be a certified French teacher, and my participation in the comic book festival where I wanted to represent Christian comics. But things didn't turn out the way I planned.

The control test having revealed the presence of the virus, I had to extend the quarantine. I was a little upset but thought God was giving me time to write. So, I wrote down some ideas. 

Ten days later, another control test. Still positive. Anxiety started to show up. I was wondering if my immune system was working well, or if it was a spiritual problem. With the festival date approaching, I decided to focus on preparing for my workshop, and how I could subtly share my faith with that general audience. Since I was going to do God's work, He would certainly not allow the next test to be positive again.

Third PCR test. Positive. I started to panic. It was not just the festival that was at stake, but also my exam, which I've already paid for. Both events were to take place at the French Institute. Being in contact with them as part of my training, they were aware of my health situation and I was not allowed to access their premises without presenting a negative PCR test. I felt anxious and I tried to solve it by snacking and spending a lot of time in front of screens. 

Fourth test. Positive. Despite all the treatments and the prayers. Why doesn't God respond? Why did He let me miss a great opportunity to represent Christian comics? Would I also miss my exam? Those were my questions. I was restless. As usual, I thought of a way to escape. But I was tired of those distractions that brought only fleeting relief. I wanted the rest that Jesus gives. I reread the Bible passages where Jesus said not to worry. As soon as I accepted His peace, I was able to see God’s hand in my situation. I felt grateful for being able to work from home, and not being in pain, even though I carried the virus.

The wait for the 5th test was more relaxed. I was more confident. I was saying, "Whatever the result, I will accept it as God’s will." But deep down I was thinking, “Certainly, God would not let me miss my exam.”

I took the last test 48 hours before the exam day, December 8. I was at the entrance to the exam center when I received the lab's message, informing me that I was still positive for COVID. I cannot describe my feelings as I was going back home. I was so confused. Was this whole project against God’s will? Isn’t this persistent covid hiding another disease? I was also angry with the exam center. Added to that were the comments from some acquaintances making me feel guilty : “You should pray.” “Did you take the medication correctly? What about traditional medicine?”

Of course, I had done all of this! I was discouraged and depressed. 

I cried out to God, “Lord, I don't understand what's going on. But I know that You are here and You take care of me. Help me to go through this trial without bitterness. Help me keep my faith.”

December is the time to take stock of the year. There is a great temptation to hold back only what did not work. And yet God blessed me and my family this year. We had daily bread and more, to the point of making some repairs in the house. And I was able to count on the support of my sisters during my illness. I'll make a request that my exam registration be considered for the next session, God willing.

These COVID tests that come back positive over and over again really test my faith, but I choose to count God's blessings and I learn to feel His presence both in good and difficult times.